Sunday, 17 May 2009
A long, long time ago, so long that not even my grandma remembers, there were all kinds of magical and dangerous beings and creatures on the earth. Among these were the giants. Stories were written about them; there were Cornish giants, the French giants, Gargantua and his son Pantagruel were written about by a fabulous gentleman. There were, in short, giants all over the place making a mess of the landscape. They wouldn't look where they trod so that people would lose their homes and castles from giants treading on them without looking.
Now among these giants there was a fierce and savage brute who took a liking to children. Usually wrapped in a cow and grilled. He was more than somewhat antisocial in his habits. He would pick fights with other giants too and it is said that once he challenged the Moon to come and fight him. His name was Unimportant, which probably didn't help.
Now one morning, Unimportant was asleep and dreaming of rabbits under his bed. No rabbit would dare to appear beneath his bed but still, he was dreaming of lots of them under his bed and he awoke in a fury. Throwing his bed across the room he saw no rabbits whatsoever. This enraged him further and leaping out of the window, he caused a small valley and a mild earthquake before striding across the landscape and demolishing in the following order: three barns, four farmhouses, six cows and a church. This had almost spent his fury, but then a rabbit ran across his path and he ran after it.
This rabbit however was not just a rabbit, it was the sorcerer Justlikethat who was on his way to a meeting with some other sorcerers and finding himself getting late, turned himself into a rabbit to get there quicker. Finding that the giant Unimportant was behind him he stopped and turned himself back into himself.
Unimportant however did not seem to be stopping, if anything he was even more furious. Think fast the wizard told himself, but he did not think fast enough and the giant grabbed him around the middle and raised him up.
Now Justlikethat was well aware that this giant had a particular way of killing those who offended him. He would raise them up and crack their heads against his own, which was particularly dense.
"Woe and alas," the wizard said, "Now I suppose you mean to kill me."
"You suppose right fishface," Unimportant answered rudely.
Raising the wizard up he brought him down towards his skull and at this point, Justlikethat turned himself into a great axe. The blade cracked into the giant's skull and killed him dead on the spot. As his vast body fell, the wizard turned himself into a sparrow and flew up. Unimportant, in dying, left a huge valley and caused a huge earthquake in three villages and two large towns. In commemoration of his death, Justlikethat created a monument (wizards like monuments) that still stands to this day. As for the giant Unimportant... well there are a lot of very fat crows and foxes in that area even now.